here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
