dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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