booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm passing your future prison.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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