Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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