And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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