Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
