I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize