I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
