You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
