I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
