So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
