Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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