The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
So here I am, sexting at work.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
