Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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