I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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