Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize