I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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