I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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