Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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