Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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