I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
