Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
