a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
