I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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