Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
