He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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