that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Holy shit dude........stairs
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
