Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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