Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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