I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Randomize
