Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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