Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
