He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
