then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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