I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
