and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
