I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
