My liver just broke up with me...
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
