You're completely useless in the revolution.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize