don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he puts the penis in happiness.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
