everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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