I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
