ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize