What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
