my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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