so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
