So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
