I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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