he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
