Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
