i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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