You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
