My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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