There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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