I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
