im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
