why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
