My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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