i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
this just has baby written all over it
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize