Will you blow on my dice?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
