Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You made out with two different species that night
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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