I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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