He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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