my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize
