one might say we're banned from that church
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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