You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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