Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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