I can tuck mytits in my pants
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Randomize
